Like this:

So for most people, this title either brings up memories of a 90s sitcom or those annoying achy knees from when you were a kid. Yeah, me too. However, right now, I’m going through some major spiritual growing pains. Have you ever been there? I’m sure most believers out there can totally identify with me. Last semester here seemed pretty easy. God was working and showing me I was meant to be here and overwhelming me with his grace and majesty. Christianity was working for me. Then I went home for the summer and through various means, fell back into some old habits that I thought were gone. Totally not expecting that. What I can say has come from it though is a desire to get all the junk keeping me from following God with all I am out of my life completely. I remember praying at one point toward the end of last semester that I would do whatever it took to be the person God made me to be. I can’t say he didn’t answer, that’s for sure.

So I’m fighting this semester. Fighting my flesh and its temporal desires, fighting off the devil when he tries to get footholds in weak spots, fighting with myself when I don’t want to talk about the hard things. The battle is raging. I can only imagine the breakthrough that’s coming, because the night is always darker before the morning. I can truly say, despite the peace that I’m feeling right now, this is probably the hardest time of my life. God is really moving, I can see him as he works through classes, chapel, church, and Beth Moore studies to get his point across. I don’t trust him. I want to and know I should, but practicing it is hard. I’ve been paralyzed by fear for so long that I’m not even quite sure what it feels like to move anymore. Living day-to-day for God has become a complicated list of things to do and ways not to mess up. I totally identify with the Casting Crowns song “East to West” when it says, “I feel like I’m just one step away from you leaving me this way.” I’ve become the hardest critic I’ve ever had, I have no patience with myself, and I’ve offered myself no grace when I don’t get it right the first time (I know right!). So he’s teaching me how to trust him, but he’s also teaching me that he is a God of growing things, and for those of you who know anything about growing, that is not the fastest means of getting things the way you want them. I desperately want to fix things now and be the perfect Christian. I’ll never be perfect. This road I’m traveling will never be easy because the one I follow was rejected by his own. But I know that my God is the greatest thing of all and more than worthy of my life and praise. So I’ll raise my hands high and surrender myself to him every day, every hour, every minute if need be. He’ll never give up on me. He wants to make me more like his Son, but he’s not in a hurry.

So, I’m trying to un-complicate things. I make everything too hard. Like we were talking about how I don’t trust God the other day, and my friend Sarah says, “Just trust him, April.” Such a novel concept, why didn’t I think of that? I did and it didn’t work. You know why? Because the first time things didn’t go my way, I thought that obviously God didn’t know how I wanted things so I needed to do it for myself. It really is just a matter of doing it though, in all Jesus commands. Don’t be anxious, don’t be afraid, deny yourself, take up your cross, follow me. It’s all in the practice of doing those things. It doesn’t have to be anymore complicated than that because it’s like telling a kid to do something. They’re called to obey, not ask you why or tell you all the reasons they can’t do it, which is what I’ve been doing. I’ve been like, “God, I can’t follow you, I can’t do what you ask because all this stuff stands in the way, I’m too scared, I don’t know enough.” He has an answer for every one of my excuses. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9 My weakness brings him even more glory because I don’t have to do anything, just let him work through me. It really all comes down to just trusting him to work out the plans for my life from his good and perfect will and obeying him when he calls me to do something. That’s it. It gets no more complicated than that. Sanctification is not and never will be about anything I can do. As I seek God, he reveals himself to me and shapes my life so that I become more like Jesus. No matter how much I read my bible, how much I pray, how many time I screw up or won’t forgive myself for something long gone from God’s memory. He is mighty to save no matter what!

Praise be to Abba, Savior, Comforter!!!

April

Song of the day: Trust and Obey (an oldie but a goodie!)

1. When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
   What a glory He sheds on our way!
   While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
   And with all who will trust and obey.
   • Refrain:
     Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
     To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
2. Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
   But His smile quickly drives it away;
   Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
   Can abide while we trust and obey.
3. Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
   But our toil He doth richly repay;
   Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
   But is blessed if we trust and obey.
4. But we never can prove the delights of His love
   Until all on the altar we lay;
   For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
   Are for them who will trust and obey.
5. Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
   Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
   What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
   Never fear, only trust and obey.

Advertisement