So, last week I had a birthday. The big 2-5. I’m not going to lie, coming up to it was very daunting. Until I stopped focusing so much on the number and started focusing on what God has done in these 25 years before my birthday. It turned out to be the best week ever (great enough that I decided to turn 25 every year 
). My sister came to visit and brought me great stuff (Sun Drop!!!) then a friend cooked me dinner twice. I was also fixed cupcakes and a cake (red velvet! the best!!!) and taken out for a manicure/pedicure and lunch. Not to mention the cards, well wishes, and 80 some emails from Facebook posts wishing me happy birthday in all its forms. Overall a super awesome week with lots of attention paid to me and love from all sides.
Don’t get me wrong, none of this was bad in and of itself, but what I let it do to my heart was. Last week was at very few points a reflection on what God has done for me. The glory was all on me, the attention turned to how “awesome” I was, and my assurance lay in how many people were noticing me. You see, despite all the cool things that happened last week, God decided to use it as a lesson in idolatry. Sunday morning (after my birthday) our pastor talked about approval and how it’s a necessary thing in this world, but that our ultimate approval must come from God. I should be seeking his approval of the way I’m living above all else. Last week, my approval came from how many people wished me happy birthday through Facebook and face to face. Then, Sunday night, I went with a friend to Midtown and the pastor talked about idolatry. God opened my eyes in such a real way to realize that because loneliness is my fear, relationships have become my idol. I’ve put how many friends I have and how often we hang out and they approve of me above what God has for me as HIS child and HIS chosen beloved. My identity and approval must firmly rest in him. Yes, I must seek the approval of this world to a certain extent, but for the ultimate goal of living my life as a reflection of Christ in me, not so the world thinks I’m good enough.
This was a hard lesson and when I realized what God was saying, I was upset. “Come on God. My birthday is only once a year. Isn’t it ok to be the center of attention?” It wasn’t because I was pulling the attention off the one it should have been on, the Lord!!! I am his humble servant. His is the ultimate approval I should be seeking. So it was ok that I enjoyed my birthday and had a great time. I thank all my friends that made it an amazing week, but I have to confess and apologize that I turned you all into an idol to be worshiped because it made me feel loved and accepted. I thank God for opening my eyes to this through circumstances that normally wouldn’t happen.
The pastor at Midtown also made another interesting point. He talked about an idolatry class he teaches and how in that class, the students write their idols on a clay plate-type thing and carry it around to remind them of the things they need to be aware of that sneak between them and God. He talked about how some people carried them around for months before destroying them once they had dealt with their idols. He didn’t condemn these people for taking such a long time, but instead praised the Lord that he had brought freedom from those things. Often we talk about nailing our sins to the cross and being done with them, but too often times this is immediate and not truthful because we haven’t taken the time to recognize them and work through them. So I may carry this idol of needing relationships and people to notice me for a while, but eventually my worship of Jesus will push it out and it will have no place in my heart. I anxiously await that day and thank the Lord for the healing work he has already started in my heart.
Thanks for a great birthday week Lord and for all the work you’ve done in my life. I pray that the next 25 years will be a blessing to those around me and a chance to give you all the glory, honor, and praise you deserve!!!
Love,
April <><
